NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
