I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize