Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
40s are totally the cure
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
