pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
