I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
