Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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