I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
