It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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