have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My dick has a subreddit
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
