I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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