At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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