Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Come see our sink grown plant.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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