I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
