my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
