I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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