I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You may now shotgun with the bride
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
