I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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