I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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