He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
