...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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