Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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