he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
