your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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