I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
