My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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