im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
