you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize