Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
