So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
