oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
