Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
