literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize