My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
