I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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