How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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