you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
