Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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