I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
