Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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