Too much gin, very little bucket
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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