it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
