i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
