I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
