i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
