i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
