i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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