I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
