Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
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