My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
