You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize