...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
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