I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
