Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
