Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
