please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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