when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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