I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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