But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I want her autograph on my taint
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
