just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
