Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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