I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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