she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
