quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
home. puking in laundry basket.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize