end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize