I want to have your abortion
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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