Ambien. No doubt about it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
