i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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